i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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