Screwed.edu
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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