yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
