so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
