Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
