the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
NoShamevember. You game?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
