Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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