I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
