new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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