Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
