He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
