Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
