what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
