i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
