Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
