Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize