I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
