she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
