Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize