The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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