i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize