she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
