It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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