I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
