Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
