come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
