We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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