Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize