So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
