U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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