I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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