At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
