The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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