I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
