just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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