You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize