great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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