shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
