Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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