I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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