Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
