You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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