Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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