I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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