Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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