Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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