So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
