you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
