Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
