Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
