Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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