My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
