The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
