She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
