I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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