Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
