His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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