Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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