I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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