my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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