He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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