Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
