you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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