I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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