If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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