I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
