cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize