I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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