He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
