Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
