i permit you to call me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
