Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
