and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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