If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
