he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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