I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
