So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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