No awkward lesbian experiences without me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
