A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
