this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize