Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've blown a few things in my day
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Less talking, more tequila
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
