she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
