Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
