Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
