so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
