she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
