i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
