my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
