my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
